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The Fakees
Welcome to the world of the Fakees - everyone's favourite fakie
pony band!
A nationwide search for the most talented fakies drew little success
- a bit like scraping the bottom of an empty barrel with a teaspoon -
but we went ahead anyway. Our Fakees have perseverance, attitude and
a huge makeover budget. (Not that that did any good...) So come on in,
meet the band, and see their debut single, due for release at no point
in the near future (if we have anything to do with it!)
So, put your hands together and give a big, warm welcome to The Fakees!
Meet the Fakees
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Name: |
Jello Fakee (after her inspiration, Jennifer Lopez) |
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Type |
My Lovely Pony |
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Age: |
Nubile. But will her plastic be that shiny for long? |
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Appearance: |
Luminous pink, with stranded coloured hair. Normally wearing expensive and remarkably tasteless jewellery. |
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Instrument: |
Vocals. (Unfortunately.) |
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Likes: |
Expensive things. Whatever. |
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Role in the band: |
The flamboyant one who won't do stairs. |
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Name:
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Spotz Fakee
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Type
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Totsy
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Age:
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Old - and he hasn't aged well... |
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Appearance:
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Grotty yellow plastic, white and red spots. He claims the spots are painted on. We're not convinced. |
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Instrument:
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Lead guitar with attitude. |
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Likes:
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Pizza, his special blanket (eugh!)
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Role in the band: |
The chick magnet. (Oh God. Help us.) |
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Name: |
Manky Fakee |
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Type |
Unknown |
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Age: |
Older than Mick Jagger. |
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Appearance: |
Faded murky purple plastic; faded attempt at a "symbol" on his rump. He also smells dodgy. |
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Instrument: |
Keyboards. |
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Likes: |
Jazz bars, rollups, mud packs |
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Role in the band: |
He thinks he's the integrity which holds their music together. The rest think he's a passenger. |
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Name: |
Yello Fakee |
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Type |
Her hooves say, 'M.A.' It's a mystery. But those aren't young teeth. |
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Age: |
Let's just say that her plastic surgeon is running low on Botox... |
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Appearance: |
At long distance, to the untrained eye, Yello looks Hasbro-compliant. However, the manky jewel stuck in her head and her lovely browning teeth (hence her name) give her away as a poorly-executed fakie. And let's not start on the hair. |
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Instrument: |
Bass guitar |
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Likes: |
Makeup. Lots of it. |
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Role in the band: |
The sophisticated one. (Yeah, right.) |
The Song
Well, we hope you're ready for this, ahem, surefire chart classic. Soon
radio stations the world over will be broadcasting this perfect piece
of pony pop!
Hey Hey We're the Fakees
Here we come
Walking down the street
Get the funniest looks from
Every pony we meet
Hey hey, we're the fakees!
And people say we fakie around
But we're too busy fakin'
To fool anybody now
Take a look at their shape
All wonky and weird
Chunky ugly bodies
Nasty painted-on shoes
Hey hey, we're the fakees!
And people say we fakie around
But we're too busy fakin'
To fool anybody now
Inferior plastic
Tired of being rejected
Faces deformed and squishy
Hardly ever collected
Hey hey, we're the fakees!
And people say we fakie around
But we're too busy fakin'
To fool anybody now
So we're not the real thing
Doesn't mean we're bad
No stamp saying 'Hasbro'
Is no reason to be sad!
Hey hey, we're the fakees!
And people say we fakie around
But we're too busy fakin'
To fool anybody now
Coming soon to a bargain bin near you!
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| It's The Fakees! |
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| Jello Fakee - The shiny one! |
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| Spotz Fakee - His riffs are infectious! |
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| Manky Fakee - Plinky plonky! |
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| Yello Fakee - Power chords! |
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